a. If you're going to bum a smoke off of me, at least offer to buy it. I won't take your money, but I appreciate the thought.
b. Please don't tell me that you're trying to quit. It makes me feel guilty, and I don't like feeling.
c. If you're 10, don't bother asking. Even I have my limitations when it comes to morally bankrupting children.
d. If I'm sitting outside Starbucks, sucking on a smoke like an asthmatic kid with an inhaler, do yourself a favour: leave me the fuck alone.
e. Ask politely. Don't yell at me from six patio tables over so you don't have to bother getting up if I say no. Which I will.
f. Don't ask me while I'm listening to my iPod. You are disrupting my period of meditative reflection before I have to haul ass back to work. Just don't do it.
Obviously, if you're an attractive, civilized dude, you are exempt and more than welcome to mooch off me.
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