A coffee at Starbucks does not cost five dollars. You can get a hot cup of coffee for under two bucks, actually, or a bit more if you want a venti, you glutton. If your drink is more than five dollars, it's because it's something ridiculous, like a quad venti breve white chocolate mocha. That is a meal in a cup, why the hell shouldn't it cost five bones?
Customers have ways to cheat the system, though, and it makes me really resentful when some cheapskate smugly asks if he can have his venti Frappuccino split into two cups, as opposed to just paying for two tall Frappuccinos. Like, "Oooooh, you clever little minx, you figured out a way to scam me out of that extra dollar something. Congratufuckinglations, shithead." Or people who try to order a kid's hot chocolate at full temperature. Guess what? If it's 170 degrees, it's a goddamn short HC, not a kid's. If you're old enough to have big kid drinks, you're old enough to pay big kid prices. And if I ever find the barista that sparked this whole chai steamed milk instead of a no water tazo chai thing, I'm going to punch them in the teeth. I really am.
Because customers don't figure out these little tricks on their own, it's baristas clueing them in. I don't know how many times I've explained to someone why I'm ringing in their drink the way that I am, only to have them say "But at the store I usually go to, they only charge me for a tall tea misto, because I don't want the extra tea bag in my venti drink," or whatever. Well, at this store, you're getting charged what I damn well charge you, and you can shove the extra tea bag up your ass, you entitled, snotty cow.
If you're too cheap to shell out some extra coin for your drink, go buy a two dollar latte from McDonald's.
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