and it's not frapp, it's frappUCCINO. assholes.

I'm just going to put this out there. If you don't like coffee and you don't like tea, DON'T FUCKING GO TO STARBUCKS, MAYBE? JESUS.

Any Starbucks beverage that doesn't have coffee or tea in it is a waste of your money. Why the fuck would you pay five dollars for a Vanilla Bean Frappuccino, when you can just go get a goddamn milkshake from Dairy Queen or some shit, and it will taste better and be WAY cheaper? I mean, ordering any Frappuccino should automatically disqualify you from life, but Strawberries & Cream? Suck a dick.

Also, don't grab a juice from the front case and then ask me to blend it. I don't really have a good reason for hating this, other than the fact that you've taken a simple drink that requires no effort and turned it into a slightly more complicated drink that requires a minimal amount of effort. I don't want to make an effort, all I want is a fucking cigarette, OK?

AND TO ALL YOU VIVANNO-DRINKING PRICKS: FUCK OFF. I HATE YOUR FACE AND WANT TO SHOVE IT IN A BLENDER THE SAME AMOUNT OF TIMES IT TAKES TO BLEND YOUR GODDAMN, PIECE OF SHIT PROTEIN SHAKE. WHICH IS A LOT. YOU SHOULD KNOW, SINCE YOU JUST STAND AT THE HAND-OFF COUNTER AND STARE AT ME WHILE YOUR DRINK BLENDS FOR THE 27TH TIME. AND THEN HAVE THE BALLS TO ASK "Ummmm, excuse me, is my drink coming?" UMMMM, EXCUSE YOU, HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT THROWN IN YOUR FUCKING EYE? FOLLOWED SHORTLY THEREAFTER BY MY TINY FIST? I hate you all.

It's no wonder that anyone who has ever served me at Booster Juice has always looked like a miserable cunt.

i was not tough enough

You know what? If I am sneaky and get into your stupid fenced-off restricted zone, you should just let me fucking meet Donnie Wahlberg, okay? Like, I was so close to living out my childhood dream of jumping Donnie's bones. And then YOU, you life-ruining, 6'4, 350 pound angry black dude, have to come along and stomp on that dream with your roadie boots of oppression. Well, FUCK YOU, GINORMO. HAVE YOU NEVER HAD A DREAM?

I just wanted some face time with Donnie W. God. And by 'face' time, I mean 'climb him like a tree and stick my tongue in his mouth' time.

why are you so obsessed with me, winter?

I woke up to a message from Winter this morning.

"HAY GURL HAYYY.

I heard you've been feeling pretty good lately. Going to work without a coat; drinking iced coffees again; shopping for cute summer dresses and wondering if those strappy gladiator sandals are actually so last year, or if you can get away with them this year because you never found a pair you really loved but you still want to try the trend. Forgot all about your old friend, Winter, didn't ya?

GOTCHA, MOTHAFUCKA!!!"

WINTER. YOU ARE A FUCKING WHORE.

I, for one, will say what no one else will: NOBODY LIKES YOU. You are the girl that gets way too drunk at every party. You're amusing for a little while, and then you become more and more obnoxious and totally overstay your welcome. Well, guess what? Everyone is sick of your snowy antics and you need to just GTFO. Besides, we all know you're only an older, less attractive version of Autumn. Everybody says so.

Basically, what I'm trying to say is that you and I? We're fucking done. Professionally.

And man the fuck up, Spring. Winter's sneaking in here on your watch, being all miserable and cold, and you just let it happen? That's bullshit, dude. Bullshit.