geriatrics are beating me at life

In my renewed attempt to not be such a fat fuck, I went for a run this morning. By run, I mean that I alternated between minute-long spurts of half-hearted jogging and carrying my sorry ass along as fast as my stumpy legs could manage whilst swinging my arms in a humiliating attempt at "power" walking. Obviously.

I am so embarrassingly out of shape. There were senior citizens out there, and they were KICKING MY ASS. And being chipper-as-can-be, each of them smiling and greeting me as I tried to avoid eye contact, hoping they wouldn't notice the sweating, panting hot mess of a girl blundering past them. Oh, I'm sorry, I'm just trying to decide if the burning sensation in my chest is my lungs threatening to retire or the beginnings of a heart attack, but yeah, GOOOOOD MORNINGGGG.

Fuck off, old people. Stop rubbing your vim and vigor in my face at 7 am.