nice guys don't finish last, whiny little bitches do.

Look at this asshole, trying to guilt you into a quick BJ with his soulful eyes. I told you not to drunk dial him for a ride.

I dealt with a customer the other night that led to a conversation with a co-worker about self-proclaimed "nice guys" and why they are the worst kind of assholes. This guy stood in the cafe after ordering, talking to his friends about how no one gives him good customer service, even though he goes out of his way to be nice, and that people need to take courses on how to be a decent human being if they're going to be paid to interact with others. Which I somewhat agree with, particularly any time I have had to interact with Wal-Mart employees. BUT, he was having this conversation while I waited at my till for him to pay me for his coffee, and then proceeded to treat me like I wasn't even there while making perv eyes at my co-worker.

GUESS WHAT. Customer service goes both ways. If you're a shit customer, you're going to get shit service. And you can say that you're a nice guy all you want, but the world doesn't owe you a fucking thing if you don't actually act like one. Fact is, yeah, you were super nice to the young, cute girl who ground your coffee for you. Nice to the point of being gross, but creeps never know when they're being creeps, I guess. In the meantime, you straight up ignored the other girl working that night; didn't even deem her worthy enough of your valuable time to drop a "good night" on her. Classic self-proclaimed "nice guy" behaviour: busting his nuts to impress one girl with his bullshit gallantry while offending everyone who's forced to bear witness to his blatant subterfuge, including the sorry focus of his attention. Or, DICK MOVE, if you prefer.

I say self-proclaimed "nice guys" because, if you notice, no one else calls them that. No one else actually thinks they are. If you have to tell people you're a decent human being, then your actions are not speaking loud enough on their own. Everyone secretly thinks you're a jerkoff who covers up their passive-aggressive bullshit with fake-ass apologies and a sensitive Bright Eyes tattoo for the sake of some good pussy.

Ladies, they are the male equivalent of that bitch from back in high school that you thought you were so tight with, only to discover that she's been talking shit about you behind your back on the reg for years and the only reason she stays friends with you is because you have a rad party house and your parents are always out of town. Which, now that I think about it, was totally the kind of girl I was, but I grew up and realized that's a horrible way to treat people and I should smarten the fuck up. Um, sorry, basically every girl I went to school with. I'm sure no one remembers that time I told everyone you were a lesbian and secretly in love with me. (Not referencing Mean Girls. That actually happened.)

ANYWAY. THIS BLOG IS ABOUT HOW SHITTY EVERYONE ELSE IS, NOT ME.

I just hate that self-entitled attitude, that everyone owes them a favour because they've let it be known that they didn't haaave to do whatever random act of kindness for you, but since they're such a niiice guyyy, they did it anyways. Translation: "Have I racked up enough brownie points for you to suck my dick, yet?" And then, when you don't suck their dick, they're all "blah blah life is so tough for the good dudes." Either be nice because you genuinely want to be, or STOP WHINING AND OWN THAT SHIT. People hate you anyway, you might as well be honest about your list of priorities and where your all-consuming need of BJs ranks on that list.

Legit assholes have that going for them. They don't give an actual fuck whose feelings they hurt, but at least you always know where you stand. I don't know, maybe I'm fucked up, but I'd rather go into a relationship knowing I'm going to get treated like shit than have it sprung on me mid-game. Obviously, it would be wonderful if everyone could be decent human beings, but, let's face it: as long as there are other people around to piss other people off, no one is ever going to be 100% nice 100% of the time. I think we could all stand to be a little more upfront with our dickishness is all I'm saying.